okay10's Blog

vulnerable trying to make a connection
I struggle to protect myself seems futile
accept the temporary and now

things were so sweet, hoping to get back there............I wish I could be more easy going.  I think of love sometimes like a plant that needs sun and water.  Did I not tend my garden today?  I woke up in a little funk today, once I started moving the bad feelings peeled away.  keeping hope for a good future and a loving family

If I spent more interest in my obligations than in my desires I could be more productive. Maybe have a better quality of life.
Relations with others
Eye in the browser?
Forgive myself
Forgive others
Positive attitude
Good deeds
Honesty
Gratitude
Love

I feel their emotions from across the room. We all give them off. Strange looks from people who think me odd when I speek. No sympathy from friends or loved ones. Games men play.
My spiritual path. Needed rest but drowning in debt. On the inside I'm just a simple spirit in need of change, lucky its right around the corner.

Someone who makes me feel comfortable and alive. So many push themselves away I know it feels better when you can share. I hope to meet someone special who can set everything on fire. Being alone just seems like a waste.

Sold was my time today and a lot of thoughts. Focus on my obligations some weird twitch in my eyes. I gave it my all & am exhausted. Looks like more of the same ahead. The best idea seems to be killing desire. Contemplating life, as usual. An alien to my own kind.

I woke today with the usual feeling of wanting to fall back to sleep. I must get some chemical benefit when I sleep that the real world is not giving me.
I don't have anyone who cares about my feelings now that Leon is gone. It's up to me to make the right decisions & changes. Part of me feels hopless until I talk myself into being positive. There are moments of peace but seem drowned out by reality. It's a new day I tell myself I have to get past the conditioning. Why not choose to be free

Not to care. The thoughts of him wash through my mind. Then pain of reality rejection disrespect worthlessness. I didn't get what I wanted and was treated poorly. Someday I will feel again comfort & excitement. With each wave crashes more gently then no more. You are not an ocean but a storm passing by

So many fun things ......
Motorcycle rides, camping w/horses, prime beach time, wearing a bikini after 15yrs! All good and the colorful feris wheel at 4am in wvirginia. Fishing, bonfires, flowers, the best sweet corn & other local grown veggies and cooking. Exploring new friendships & opportunities. Changes in my direction. And what would seem to be my midlife crisis. Cool its been a blast!

I felt aggitated but I managed thru. I feel good right now, I like to feel useful. Good finish

Shame on me should have know better. I'm glad I can move on and one day I will forget you. I no longer care about your happiness & hope you go to hell :)

Hurt feelings dragging me down I try not to feed the phantom. Now simplifies everything and letting go feels so good.

Savoring beautiful moments sounds of nature surrounded by beauty. A good day to be alive.
My pressures lingering in the background kept at bay today.
I'm juggling as usual sometimes trying to relax allowing moments of peace

Late nite damaged friendships unwanted friendly advice water on flames evil frogskins spiritual path love

Keeps giving askes nothing trancends time lives in hearts

How are you?well, sometimes I'm good and not at others. It just takes a phone call to lift my spirits or slam them down. I wish I had the kind of personality that doesn't worry about so much.
An upbringing with love and support....sanity.
From moment to moment I struggle to enjoy my life.
Sometimes I can't get enough

I watched the grass sway and roll in the wind, looked into the eye of my gelding and saw his love for me. I was angry at my beu frustrated why is it hard to tell you care? I felt tired and bloated but pulled through the nite. I wondered what being content would be like

Priceless waves of sensation push me to improve myself to forgive and allow for our differences. It seems a part of me craves him despite his flaws emotion giving way to forgiveness.
There is no shortage of pain some jelousy and frustration.
It seems there was no consious decision to love him. My body decided for me. I feel alive once again and at peace for the moment.
Just as the shit is about to hit the fan I feel excited to find what the path holds.
Love morphing chasm

folks who run hot & cold drive me nuts!   Being around people like this are poison to me.  I need to know what to expect on any given day.  Your ship is to rocky for me!

and once you hurt me I take tally, I can give you the benefit but actions say everything.  There is only so much I can take, and my feelings for you will never be the same.  Innocence tainted.

so I hope you dont mind if I boogie on down the line.